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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25478215">Change</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sssyzygy1/pseuds/Sssyzygy1'>Sssyzygy1</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shamy - Fandom, The Big Bang Theory (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Community: shamyficexchange, F/M, sheldon x amy - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:28:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,636</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25478215</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sssyzygy1/pseuds/Sssyzygy1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sheldon is confronted with change in the apartment, how will he handle it?  Will his stubborn feelings threaten his new found physical relationship with Amy?    My take on the chaotic ramblings of Sheldon Cooper following the Locomotive Manipulation, and taking part in the Table Polarization.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sheldon Cooper/Amy Farrah Fowler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Change</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I HEART THE SHAMY<br/>and this scene and these two episodes are some of my favorites.  I have always thought that Sheldon's reaction in the Table Polarization was in direct contrast to his SIK in the Locomotive Manipulation because of his overwhelming fear of his feelings for Amy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Leonard was trying to change things again, and he wasn’t going to stand for it.Hadn’t he dealt with enough upheaval this week?What with re-evaluating the usefulness of string theory, and his recent train trip, enough was enough!He was already very preoccupied and working his way through the minefield of thoughts that were bombarding his well-ordered life!Just thinking about that train trip brought his eidetic memory right back into that Pullman coach.The restored coaches had been pure magic, but even the precision of the restoration was no match for what had transpired in the dining car.</p><p>He had been so frustrated!<em>“If you want romance, then let’s have romance!” </em>He had looked around frantically for something to prove his point, which was that they didn’t need “romance”. If he were honest, he felt hurt that somehow, after all they had been through, he still wasn’t enough.Why couldn’t Amy see that their relationship was superior to the troglodytes that let something as animalistic as “romance” rule their lives?They were above all that:He and Amy were companions in the search for the answers to the universe.They were bound together by an intensity that was so much more intimate than mere sex.How could he prove it to her?How could he show her how shallow “romance” was?Spying the wine glasses sitting side by side on the table, all dressed and fancy in the trappings of intrigue, he reached for his glass, knowing exactly what he would do to prove her wrong.All these gestures were empty compared to their relationship of the mind.“<em>Oh, look!There’s wine, ummmm…grape juice that burns.”</em></p><p>What next?He looked at her concerned face, registering her hurt, and quickly placing it aside, as his heart throbbed with rejection.He had thought she understood him, but if she wanted nothing more than some meaningless gestures, he could do that.Looking into each other’s eyes…Yeah, that was supposed to be “romantic”.These thoughts registered in a split second, and he stated, his voice dripping with sarcasm, <em>“Now let’s gaze into each other’s eyes!You blink, I win.”</em> And now, for the final ax, which would certainly show her how wrong she was:<em>“Oh Kissing’s romantic.” </em></p><p>And then what had he done?He had kissed Amy.It had been out of anger and frustration, but he immediately knew that nothing would ever be the same.Thinking back, he let himself reminisce about the soft, warm feel of her lips beneath his own.At first, because he had surprised her, her lips were firm and tight, but then she had relaxed and her lips were pliable and supple, and oh so <em>fascinating.</em>She had kissed him before, of course, quick and soft, but there was something different about this kiss.Maybe because he had initiated it?Or maybe because this time they were both willing participants? </p><p>After the initial shock, their lips had just melted into each other.He had never felt as overwhelmed as he did in that moment.With her lips on his, he felt a startling completeness that he had never known before.He suddenly couldn’t get enough of her.She tasted like rich chocolate brownies, and there was something else in there that was just Amy.There was the heat and need coupled with the deep pull in his belly that he recognized as the rather foreign sensation of desire.His body had involuntarily pulled moved closer and closer, and he had reached out and placed his hand on her waist to pull her against him. With her body flush against his, he could smell her scent and it made him desperate to taste more of her honeyed lips.He drank from her like a parched man drinks from a well, deeply and with an instinctive need.His mind had completely shut down, and all he could do was <em>feel. </em> Disoriented, he realized that he liked this…No… he <em>loved </em>this.He loved kissing Amy, and he understood, instantaneously, that this wouldn’t be their only kiss, and certainly not their last kiss.He knew he could never again deny himself the taste of her on his lips. Kissing <em>was </em>romantic after all, and apparently, when it came to kissing Amy, he was a romantic at heart.</p><p>Shaking his head to dislodge himself from the memory of Amy against him, he re-applied himself to the countless updates he was completing on his Windows 98 computer.This, also, was a waste of time, but he needed to prove to Leonard that there was no space for a new dining room table in their lives.A table!Why did things have to change?Leonard was fully knowledgeable about chaos theory.Leonard comprehended, just as he did, that even a tiny change in the deterministic nature of the universe could set off a series of unfathomable and drastic consequences. </p><p>Everyone said change was good, but that was rarely true.Change was often a catalyst for his own internal struggles.Take Amy, for instance, and this new direction their relationship had taken.He had already updated the relationship agreement to include date-night kisses. Kisses!On Date-nights!Would this madness ever end?He sighed aloud, knowing full well that it couldn’t be helped.Their Valentine’s train trip had been over a week ago, and he couldn’t stop thinking about her, and her place in his life.She had always been an intellectual equal, first and foremost, and a friend that challenged him and motivated him.Lately, he had started realizing how essential she was to his life.He glanced idly over at the couch, to his favorite spot, and thought that her spot was right beside his, and that was the way it was supposed to be:She should always be there, beside him.</p><p>And now?Now there was this new world of physical desire and need for her that he didn’t quite know how to categorize, let alone how to handle. He dreamed of her, sometimes naughty dreams that his mother told him would make Jesus sad. He almost always had a physical reaction to her presence now; when he saw her, smelled her, sensed her, certainly when he touched her, and even sometimes when he just thought about her.And if <em>she</em> touched <em>him</em>?His body would react in 1.2 seconds, even before his mind could override his reaction with a sensible session of Kohlinar.What was to be done?What <em>could</em> be done?What <em>should</em> be done? </p><p>Having built walls around his heart to protect himself from bullies and those who ridiculed and mis-understood him, he sensed that those walls had developed a doorway meant for Amy alone.He recognized intrinsically, that he couldn’t stop these building feelings, and worse, he also understood that he didn’t <em>want</em> to stop the feelings she stirred within him. He wanted to succumb to the feelings, and more, he wanted to give Amy a key that doorway to his heart.What a hippy-dippy thing to think!He scoffed at himself, but innately understood that he trusted Amy to take care of him in all ways: his mind, body, and yes, his heart as well. </p><p>He had a goofy smile on his face as he started the next set of updates.“I’ m falling back in love with Windows 98,”he commented aloud, smiling victoriously.Leonard’s argument that this space of the apartment was under-utilized, and therefore the perfect spot for a table, would be refuted successfully, so long as he could prove he uses this computer, even if all these updates are proving a giant pain in the a-s-s. </p><p>
  <strong>xxxxx</strong>
</p><p>He walked out into the room, discovering Leonard and Penny admiring a table that they had placed in the alcove next to the window.A table!He couldn’t believe that they had actually gone and purchased a table, regardless of his argument against this disruption.He abhorred change, and this table was no exception.They encouraged to give it a try, but he immediately rebuffed the idea in barely concealed contempt at their presumptions.He argued that they had never needed a table before, and certainly didn’t need one now.When Penny came to Leonard’s defense, strengthening Leonard’s argument that change could be good, he felt confusion and anger trigger his reaction. </p><p>He stood, pointing out what he had begun to notice as of late, that Penny was leading Leonard around by the nose.Actually, this whole table thing was really Penny’s fault.She couldn’t just sit on the floor like Raj, without complaining.And here she was, convincing Leonard to buy the dumb table, instead of allowing things to stay the same as they always had been.Before Penny and Leonard had begun their mating ritual he could always convince Leonard to let him have his way.It was becoming increasingly hard to get his way lately, as Penny managed to outmaneuver them both with her bossiness. </p><p>He was done sitting around like she hadn’t upset the applecart of his and Leonard’s friendship.“I think we’ve found the problem.It’s not the table at all. It’s you.I spent years turning this lump of clay into an acceptable conduit for my will and then you came along and reshaped him with your newfangled ideas and your fancy genitals!”</p><p>“Ok, I have not tried to change Leonard.That just happens in relationships.Look how much Amy has changed you.”</p><p>“That’s not true!” Was it?Had Amy changed him? Was it the kissing?Was it her attempts to increase his affection for her??</p><p>“Oh, sweetie, when I first met you, you were incapable of touching another human being.Now you’re holding hands, going on dates, you even made out with her on a train…”</p><p>“Yeah, you’re too close to it, but Amy has had a huge impact on you,” Leonard chimed in, accentuating Penny’s point.They were always working as a team against him now! Panicked, he stood, and began pacing.Amy <em>had</em> changed him.He didn’t mind holding her hand.They went out on dates nearly every week now, even though the relationship agreement only called for one date-night per month.And most of the time?He was the one asking for additional time together.He <em>liked </em>being with her.He liked touching her.And he liked kissing her.He <em>had</em> made out with her on the train, and he wanted to make out with her again.He couldn’t!He couldn’t change! Change was bad.Change would take him away from his true purpose: his Nobel. </p><p>He had been distracted lately by her rosy lips and emerald eyes, and the sassy swing of her hips when she walked past him.Hadn’t he just been thinking of her all morning and trying to justify his feelings for her?Hadn’t he been trying to find even more ways to be close to her?He had even just admitted to hippy-dippy feelings toward her!And her opinion had changed his unwavering belief that he was a rock- an island- and set aside and separate from everyone else.He had never cared about empathy or any one else’s dumb <em>feelings</em>- including hers, or even his own- before she came to be so instrumental in his decision-making. </p><p>He stopped short.He looked at his two friends, and even though he was angry with them, he was suddenly much angrier at himself.How could he not have seen how different he had become?“You’re right,” he began defeatedly, “Without realizing it, I allowed that woman to alter my personality.”She had changed him. He couldn’t even state as a matter of fact who Sheldon Lee Cooper was anymore.His panic was rising incrementally.Who was he?He wasn’t some hippy.He wasn’t some love-struck imbecile.He was an immovable, implacable, logical, emotionless, Homo Novus.He was above all of his base-urges.Lately he’d been giving into them instead of fighting them.And she had wrapped herself so easily and so slowly into his life that he hadn’t realized that he was tied up by her tentacles and unable to breath without her grasping him more firmly.“I’ve changed,” he declared.“Like the frog that’s put in a pot of boiling water that’s heated so gradually he doesn’t realize he’s boiling to death.” </p><p>He didn’t hear anything more that they were saying.Clarity had struck : He was being boiled to death.Boiled to death.Boiled to death.Was he, though? His heart was fighting with his mind.Were his feelings for Amy really causing some sort of cataclysmic turbulence?If didn’t really matter, did it?He was Sheldon Lee Cooper, and his mind always won out over his heart.Always.Like Spock, he was logical, all the time.There was only one clear solution: in order to continue as Sheldon Lee Cooper, <em>Genius</em>, he could no longer allow a hotsy-totsy from Glendale to enslave him.He must continue to live a life without any real human affinity or intimacy. </p><p>“Excuse me,” he said grabbing his windbreaker and strapping his messenger bag over across his back, “I have to break up with my girlfriend.”Those doors she was gently pushing open? Those doors had to be locked back up tight in order to secure his place in history.If he didn’t lock them closed all his pursuits would go right down the drain.If he didn’t break-off his association with her, and now, it might be too late.He was already losing string theory, and maybe if he wasn’t able to completely focus every ounce of his attention on his new field of study, he wouldn’t succeed.He was already too old to be the wunderkind he had been in his youth, and the time for great achievements was running out.Too much time had already been lost in distraction over her saucy ways and pretty face. His friends were right.“You’ve opened my eyes to the truth.Amy has made me a more affectionate, open-minded person.And that stops now.”His decision made, he flounced out of the apartment, practically running down the stairs. </p><p>
  <strong>xxxxxx</strong>
</p><p>Almost out of reflex, he took the bus heading to Amy’s apartment.He studied the relationship agreement the entire ride.He was searching it thoroughly.Having written the document himself, he knew that the Termination Notice was a fail-safe in case either party sought to end the relationship.It nullified all terms of their contract. Looking for a loophole was futile, and with his eidetic memory, every clause of the agreement was already well known, and therefore, he was wasting his time as he scoured the document.He didn’t <em>really</em> want to end his relationship with Amy.Since he had made the decision, his body was rejecting his premise.His stomach was in knots, and he felt nauseous. His heart was pounding with fear and panic.His head, likewise pounding, felt like a jackhammer trying to bust through his skill.His hands were shaking so hard that he could hardly hold his iPad steady, and each and every muscle was tensed so tightly that the rocking of the bus was near agony. He kept grabbing at his chest, as he labored to breath through the tightness of his windpipe.Dizziness swarmed his eyes, and he had to put his head between his knees to stay conscious. </p><p>What was he thinking?Was a life without his Amy any life at all?Was sacrificing their relationship the only means to an end?This couldn’t be the only solution.But she was his linchpin.She was the only person who had been able to creep her way into his solemn solidarity.He was far too dependent on her already.He had watched his friends’ nobler aspirations, pursuits, and resourcefulness fall to the wayside as they abandoned those plans for sex, love, family, and so on.He couldn’t, no, <em>wouldn’t</em> allow that to happen to him.He had dreams.He would not sacrifice his Nobel, not even for Amy.He knew she wanted more from their relationship.He knew she wanted affection, both physical and emotional.She had already asked for romance.She wanted what nearly every other woman- perhaps every other person- wanted: companionship, love, and a lifetime commitment. </p><p>He was unable to give her those things.He wanted her in his life, of course, he did:She is intelligent, kind, patient, and understanding.She is beautiful.Any man would be lucky to have her, but he wasn’t just any man. She deserved more. Didn’t she?She deserved nothing less a man’s full devotion: mind, body, soul.He wasn’t made that way.He was too selfish, too single-minded.He didn't think of others first, if he thought of them at all.He wasn’t even sure if he was capable of that sort of devotion to a person.He had only ever been able to be fully devoted to Physics, and it was to Physics that he must first and foremost be loyal, wasn't it? </p><p>The Universe, alone, deserved his brain.Without him, the secrets of the galaxy would remain a mystery.He was a genius for a reason.It was his path- his gift to humanity- to solve the big questions.And love?That wasn’t a big question!Even Adelie Penguins mated for life.Any animal was capable of procreation.A thought wiggled inside his mind:Procreation was not the same as love. Did he love Amy?He took a deep intake of breath, his chest squeezing painfully once again.He didn’t know. He just couldn’t be sure.His mind was a mess, and there were too many unanswered questions.Between giving up on string theory, and the confusion over which topic to study next, this table idea, Chaos Theory, and this Amy nonsense? It was all too much, too soon, too fast. </p><p>The bus came to his stop, and standing, he blindly made his way onto the street.Walking slower and slower, his decision and determination wavering with each step, he made his way to Amy’s apartment.He stared at her apartment number:It was 314, and his heart lurched.He’d always saw her apartment number a more proof that he and Amy belonged together.After all, her apartment number was the numerical representation of Pi.He raised his hand to knock, reminding himself why he had come.He had to let her go.The bus ride had shown him that this was an altruistic decision, not a hasty, selfish one.It was in Amy’s best interests to move on:He wasn’t really boyfriend material.This prolonged waiting?In the end, it would only hurt them both.He couldn’t bear to see her hurt.If that meant he had to give her up?So be it.Leonard and his damn table were a linchpin of change after all.This change though?It was a lot more than a table: this was his heart.He couldn’t love her, not the way she deserved. </p><p>He knocked once, and he heard the echo deep within as he realized that this could very well be the last time he knocked on her door. “Amy?” he called.And again, knock, “Amy?” he entreated.And slower now, his tone growing fatalistic and somber, knock, “Amy?.”And he waited for her answer. </p><p>
  <strong>xxxxxx</strong>
</p><p>She opened the door, her face serene.Unable to maintain eye contact, he pulled out his iPad, and stormed through the door, pushing her aside brusquely. If he made eye contact, his determination might crumble.He only hoped she would broke no argument.“I’ll get right to the point. I think we need to end this relationship- so just sign here with your finger.Please don’t cry on my iPad, I didn’t get Apple care.”He shoved the device at her, stubbornly keeping his eyes locked on the ground. </p><p>“I’m not surprised you want to end the relationship,” she said, her voice not giving away even a twinge of surprise or regret.“I am surprised you didn’t get Apple Care.Anyway, enjoy your life.Where do I sign?”She was looking over the document as though this decision was not only expected, but welcomed. She was so smart.He felt his resolve twist, like a knife in his heart.Of course His Amy wouldn’t weep or wail.She was too logical for those foolish flights of fancy.He was a little hurt that she was taking this in stride.Did their relationship mean nothing to her at all?He blinked several times, feeling pressure behind his eyes as he finally laid eyes on her, searching her face for some sort of clue that she would miss him as much as he would miss her.“At the bottom.I must say, I’m relieved you’re not making more of a scene out of this,”he continued. </p><p>She shrugged, nonchalantly.“Oh, I’ve already moved on.”What did she mean by that?His felt his heart skip a beat.NO!She couldn’t be with anyone else.She was His Amy, and his alone.He heard her go on while he felt vomit rise up his throat.He didn’t think he could do this after all.“Besides,” she continued, “This breakup has nothing to do with me.”</p><p>“What?” he asked, jumping at this digression as though jumping for a life preserver.“It doesn’t?”he questioned.Perhaps she would give him an out. </p><p>“Of course not.This is just Leonard trying to take the focus off that dreadful table by sowing discord in our relationship.He’s just manipulating you like he always does.” </p><p>She was blaming Leonard and the table for all of this?She was right, of course, Leonard and that damn table had started all of his wayward thoughts, and this panic attack, and this awful, terrible idea of his that he should end his relationship with His beautiful, perfect Amy.And here she sat, calmly reading through the Termination Notice.Breathing was becoming a monumentally more difficult task as he watched her eyes scan the document.Even now, his bright Amy would never sign anything without reading through the details first.His respect for her grew. “Wait.Wait.”He couldn’t let her sign, could he?Yes, she was better off without him.But could he manage without her? “Now hang on,” he said, thinking quickly, “You think he’s manipulating me?”I can put this all back onto Leonard and that dumb table and retract this ridiculous idea to disassociate with her. </p><p>“All the time,” she went on, “And he knew that as your girlfriend, I wasn’t going to stand by and let him bring a table into your apartment.I mean, a table? Come on!” He knew then that she was, in fact, tactfully giving him an excuse to rethink not only his decision, but his reprehensible behavior. </p><p>“It is hideous.”he said simply, mulling over the implications of her generosity. </p><p>“Well, thankfully, I won’t have to see it cause I won’t be your girlfriend anymore.”He watched her sign, and that knife twisted fully in his heart.He knew it was simply metaphorical, but he did feel his heart break a little. “Amy Farrah Fowler.Why yes, I wold like to take a survey,”she said aloud, as she began to read the survey questions. </p><p>“Wait, you were going to stand by me against the dining room table?” </p><p>“Of course I was.” she said simply, as though this were the most obvious thing in the world.Of course she was, he thought.He looked at her now, surveying her with new eyes. She was looking at him meaningfully, her green eyes expressing her sincerity and her steadfast adoration for him. His Amy.She was beautiful.She was trustworthy.She would stand by him through thick and thin, for better or for worse.She loved him. He was suddenly struck dumb.Yes, she loved him.And he loved her, didn’t he?He loved her! </p><p>Love, like lightning, struck him. alighting his heart with a newfound knowledge and serenity.He suddenly wanted to shout this new discovery to any simpleton that could hear him:He loved Amy Farrah Fowler.More, something shifted in his heart, and those doors that he had hammered shut fell right off their hinges, wide-open.She was his, he was hers.They belonged together just as surely as River and the Doctor.There was a newfound freedom in this love, as though he had broken from the shackles of fear.Not only was he capable of love, but more, love demanded his devotion far more fully than any equation. Suddenly he knew, as well as he knew Planck’s Constant, that Amy was the answer to all of life’s questions.Love didn’t make him less!If anything, he was more unique- more blessed his mother would say- because he had found his life’s partner. She would cheer him on, and show him a new perspective and only with her would the path to the Nobel be cleared.And if he still wasn’t sure he could be everything she needed?He would learn.He excelled at everything after all, and loving Amy couldn’t have been simpler.He could spend his life showing her how he felt. </p><p>He stayed her hand, giving her a knowing look.He took her hand in his, apologizing for his shortsightedness.She accepted his apology easily, smiling.He leaned into her, giving her akiss. </p><p>“It’s actually a good thing you signed this termination clause,” he whispered, parting from her lips for only a moment before kissing her ardently again. </p><p>“Why?” she asked, confusing clouding her features.</p><p>“Well, because i’ve already re-drafted it.There’s a new section and sub-sections.Physical Displays of Affection Clause.”He pulled her closer, nearly into his lap, and his lips kissed a pathway to her neck, brushing the soft flesh at her nape.“Ummm..” he murmered, his thoughts drifting off.She tasted so sweet. </p><p>“Physical Displays of Affection?” she questioned him, her hands running through the hair at the base of his neck, causing shivers to erupt over his skin.She whispered kisses along his cheek bone as he tenderly caressed her own cheek, his eyes never leaving hers.</p><p>“Yes, I, um, find that our previous,” each word was punctuated with another kiss,“allowances”… “were a bit” … restrictive.”He sank into her, feeling her lips responding willingly to his, as their bodies heated together, and their hands explored one another.“I have revamped the section on hand-holding, and added a few other more demonstrable actions for allowance.”He tilted his head, his tongue flicking experimentally across her supple lips.</p><p>“Ahhh. Sheldon.”He deepened the kiss, his tongue gently probing hers.They both moaned at the intimacy of the contact.</p><p>After a few hushed and heady minutes, they broke apart, their breathing labored.He pulled her against him, cradling her head against his chest as he settled back into her couch, snuggling her to him.He placed a chaste kiss upon the crown of her head as he let his fingers run through her long, soft locks of hair.</p><p>“Amy, I have to tell you something very important.I love you.”</p><p>‘I love you, too, Sheldon.” She replied as a breathtakingly beautiful smile spread over her face.She leaned her face up for another kiss.</p><p>“Just remember who said it first.” he whispered cheekily, before closing the small gap between them.Wistfully, and happily, he closed his eyes, feeling their heartbeats sound together as their lips sought each other once again, and they embraced.He forced himself to place the rising need aside, just for now. That was a change for another day- although- it wouldn’t be long now, he thought ruefully.Intimacy was no longer simply a possibility:It was a probability. </p><p>Maybe change wasn’t so bad after all. </p>
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